Westward Independent

Scramble, what scramble?

by Westward Independent
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Scrambling for Sense: How Our Town’s ‘Green’ Intersection Turned Red with Embarrassment

In the latest episode of ‘green initiatives gone wild’, our beloved town has transformed a major intersection into a pedestrian scramble, turning what was once a bustling hub into a comical display of traffic turmoil. It’s a masterpiece of irony: an intersection where cars stand still, and emissions stand tall.

Picture this: every traffic light glaring red, as if to mock the very notion of movement. Pedestrians, empowered by their newfound diagonal dominion, cross with an air of triumph. Meanwhile, drivers sit, stewing in a cocktail of frustration and exhaust fumes, as traffic backs up further than the line at the Doghouse Sunday morning breakfast.

This move, hailed as a triumph of the climate agenda, seems to have backfired with the subtlety of a diesel truck in a library. The plan was to reduce emissions, but now, with cars idling in kilometer-long queues, our air smells more like a mechanic’s workshop than a floral paradise.

It seems our local left-leaning leaders, in their relentless pursuit of green glory, missed a crucial lesson in Logistics 101. With side streets blocked and northbound traffic in a perpetual state of despair, one wonders if their next move is to replace cars with unicorns.

In light of these events, I propose a solution: perhaps we should convert our entire town into a pedestrian scramble. Cars? Obsolete. Bicycles? Too mainstream. Let’s hop, skip, and jump our way to work. Efficiency be damned – we’re saving the planet, one absurd step at a time.

So while the intention behind the scramble might be as green as spring grass, the execution has been as muddled as a mud puddle. It’s a classic tale of climate ambition clashing with the harsh mistress of practicality. So, as we sit in traffic, breathing in the sweet scent of irony (and carbon monoxide), let’s give a round of applause for our town’s latest comedy of errors.

By Joseph

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